From the official Money Idol Exchanger novelization, released on November 25, 1997. Written by Kengo Asai, the original game’s planner and writer, with illustrations by Atsuko Ishida, the game’s character designer and artist.
Chapter Ⅰ – The Money-Eating She-Devil
One, two, three, four… just about sixteen people.
The crowd of girls around me grew restless, with many of them beginning to twiddle their thumbs or walk in place. Ri-chan, Ruu-chan, Mami-chan, Myuu-chan… All the regulars were present and accounted for. Doesn’t seem like any more will be coming today.
“Will you hurry up already, Sakura?”
“Yeah! Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean we’ll wait around all day.”
Mami-chan and Myuu-chan were the first to give in to impatience and express their discontent. I could tell their eyes were set on the bundle of papers in my hands. It was just about time.
“Welcome, welcome! Thank you all for waiting! Sakura Mitsukoshi’s Class Notes are now officially on sale!”
A cheer broke out upon the announcement that I was open for business.
“All classes, one thousand yen! Flat rate! For just two hundred yen more, upgrade to the ‘Sakura Special’, which includes test prep! Or, go for the ‘Sakura Value Set’, which bundles two classes at the eeeextra-special price of sixteen hundred yen!”
Myuu-chan and Ruu-chan were quick to voice their complaints with this offer.
“Sixteen hundred!? That’s so expensive, Sakura!”
“Yeah. Wasn’t it way lower for the midterms?”
Naturally, I had anticipated this. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Do you think any good salesperson would be shaken by these sorts of complaints?
“Heh, I’m afraid you’re not seeing the big picture here. Have you looked at the class standings lately? Ever since my magnificent showing on the midterms, I’m ranked third in the class! And now that I’m third in the class, do you really expect my prices to stay the same?”
“Spoken like a slimy salesman, alright.”
“If you keep this up, you’re going to lose any friends you can sell stuff to.”
If they expected a counter-attack like that to faze me, they didn’t know who they were dealing with.
“Well, that’s your choice. Shame, but I guess I’ll take my business elsewhere…”
At times like this, you gotta turn things around on them. Show them juuust a bit of confidence, and…
“Hold on, don’t go! I’m buying, I’m buying! Gimme the Math 1 and Physics Value Set!”
“Put me down for a Classic Lit and Chemistry Special!”
See? These are the kind of skills anyone can use. Business, daily life – it’s all the same. Negotiation like this brings a spice to life.
No more than ten minutes had passed before the wave of customers had bought out my supply of class notes. I saw off the remaining prospective buyers with a “hope to see you next time”, and got right to counting that day’s earnings. To simplify things, I had priced everything at increments of 100 yen (sales tax included), so there wasn’t much small change to deal with. I slowly began counting the coins. “One… two… three…”. Each number echoed through my head, as I savored every coin like it was a family heirloom.
Ahh, there’s really nothing like the sound of money rubbing against money. Never get tired of it. It’s the sort of thing that… It really makes you remember all the good things in life, y’know? Hopes and dreams, that sort of stuff. Never are we closer to achieving true bliss than in the moments spent counting our well-earned cash. It just doesn’t get any better than this!
“Yes!! 34,500 yen!! That’s a new record!!”
My joyous outburst reverberated throughout the empty classroom. Turning a profit without breaking a sweat… What more can you ask for? I was so overtaken by emotion, I had broken into a happy dance without even realizing it!
“Sakura?”
My whole body stiffened, like it was bound by strings that had suddenly been pulled tight.
Slowly, I craned my neck around towards the source of the voice. Just as I’d thought, standing in the doorway was my best friend, Asahi Takashima.
“Sakura, are you selling your notes again? You know you can’t do that…”
“Oh, Asahi! Of course not! Wherever did you get that idea?”
“And now you’re playing dumb again, too… You know that if you get caught by a teacher, you’ll be in serious trouble…”
Even as she scolded me, her eyes were filled with sadness. Asahi was a truly innocent individual, inside and out. Her animal-like cuteness only gave way to an angelic purity underneath. But despite all this, there was an uncomfortable seriousness to her. The sort of seriousness that might inspire someone to lecture their friend, upon discovering that they had been selling copies of their notes in the days leading up to a test.
Of course, I knew that she was just looking out for me, but that only made it sting even more. It’s like that one story…The one where Buddha decided to cut Sun Wukong some slack because he was just a kid? You know the one.
“Oh, Asahi. You gotta learn to loosen up some! But forget that, what’s up? Didja need something?”
My own personal Buddha let out a stiff sigh, seeing right through my shameless attempt to change the subject.
“What are we going to do with you, Sakura… Ms. Fujiko wanted to see you. She said there was something important-”
“Ms. Fujiko!? Why!?”
“Well, I hadn’t asked. She just told me to pass on the message to you.”
Ms. Fujiko is the school nurse at Kisaragi High School. She’s a real looker, and has a killer bod, but… there’s something a bit off about her. Yeah, if I had to describe it… I’d call her something of a mad scientist.
One time, I went to the school infirmary to pick up some cold medicine, and she gave me this… “cerebrovascular neuron activator”. It cured my cold, alright – cured it so good I couldn’t sleep for a whole week after I took it!
“Eugh, I dunno about this… You know, I hear Ms. Fujiko uses students for all kinds of freaky human experimentation!”
“Come now, Sakura… What a rude thing to say about a teacher. You shouldn’t go spreading rumors like that…”
“I wish they were just rumors, I had to live through this stuff! You know what, forget it. I’m headed over, see ya around!”
I took the opportunity to excuse myself from any more of Asahi’s peaching, and escape into the hallway. I had lept from the Buddha’s palm, and let the feeling of freedom wash over me as I scurried off towards the infirmary.
“Ms. Fujiko? It’s Sakura… You wanted me for something?”
I hesitantly pulled open the door to the infirmary. What was it I was so afraid of, you ask? Well, let’s see… By my count, opening the infirmary door has resulted in sudden explosions four times, clouds of unidentified gas three times, and a parade of frogs twice. By now, I know that when you open the door to this place, you do it expecting the worst. But this time, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
Upon noticing my arrival, Ms. Fujiko turned to greet me.
“Ah, Ms. Mitsukoshi. My apologies for calling you over so suddenly.”
She met me with a gentle smile – one that could be considered befitting of a kind teacher, if they didn’t know any better.
Outside of Ms. Fujiko and I, the infirmary was completely empty. The only other presence was an anatomical dummy nestled into the corner, who seemed like they must be awfully chilly with half their skin missing. The scent of antiseptic hung in the air, thick enough that it felt like it would seep into my hair. I was already beginning to tense up at this point, but I suppose that’s not saying much. My teachers had gotten so used to my skittish behavior that comments about my lack of composure were regular features of my report card. So, befitting my reputation, I stood stiff, with my eyes darting around the room.
None of this mattered anyways, since Ms. Fujiko’s attention was entirely fixed on a folder full of documents she was rifling through. Continuing to page through them, she turned to look straight at me.
“So, I was reviewing the results of the physical examination you took the other day…”
Huh? Was something wrong with me? Is it cancer!?
If it was appendicitis, I feel like I would be able to tell… Oh man, please at least let it be one of the cheap diseases…
My panic at that moment must have made its way to my face, as Ms. Fujiko hurriedly waved her hands to interject.
“No, no, it’s really nothing to worry about. You’re perfectly healthy. However, we did detect an exceptionally unusual phenomenon from within your body.”
“An… unusual phenomenon?”
“Well, no use in beating around the bush. Let me just tell it to you straight: We’ve detected the presence of the endogenous opioid “Bundorphin”, coming from inside of your body.”
Well, I’m already completely lost. But I do know a money-making opportunity when I see one. And people pay a pretty penny for anything with fancy scientific names like that.
“What the heck is a “Bundorphin”?”
“Ah, yes. There’s really no way that you could know. Bundorphins are an exceedingly rare biological tuner – truly a once-in-a-century find.”
Gradully, her smile receeded. Her beauty stood in stark contrast to the look of intense concentration that painted her face.
“Of course, with it being so rare, I’ve never encountered it firsthand. I must say, I find it very… very intriguing.”
Before I knew it, Ms. Fujiko had snuck up directly to my side, and I reflexively slouched over. And that look she was giving me… What am I, a student, or a guinea pig?
“You see, Ms. Mitsukoshi, these Bundorphins are advanced organisms, with potential beyond our current scientific understanding. No record of them exists among any international medical board. Their entry route to the autonomic nerves, their brain stem mechanisms, their contrast with morphine receptors, their status as a peptide, and so on… It all remains a mystery.”
Ms. Fujiko yanked a massive reference book off the shelf, and began flipping through it, occasionally pausing to bite one of her fingers in a bout of excitement.
“However… There is one particular characteristic that studies have been able to confirm.”
She slammed the book shut, and faced me with a wide grin on her face. At this point, her once sweet smile was now plainly a menacing sneer.
“Individuals who secret Bundorphins… are so dominated by an unquenchable greed, that they wouldn’t think twice about selling out their own flesh and blood. Well, Ms. Mitsukoshi? Wouldn’t you say that description seems rather familiar!?”
At this point, Ms. Fujiko had given up on any attempt to hide her excitement. It was pretty creepy, if I’m being honest…
“Haha, come on now, Ms. Fujiko. Let’s not make me out to be some kind of monster…”
“This is no laughing matter, Ms. Mitsukoshi!”
Yeesh! Things were scary enough as is without her snapping at me…
Ms. Fujiko took a contemptuous glance at me, and let out a deep sigh.
She paused to take a sip from a teacup decorated in the names of fish I had never heard of. Guess she must’ve bought it at a sushi restaurant or something.
Still, her gaze remained fixed on me the whole time. Why me…? This has gotta be how the poor frog on the dissection table feels…
“Fine. Theory is nothing without evidence.”
Muttering this to herself, she rummaged around the room and came back holding a shoddy-looking device.
“Ms. Mitsukoshi, I’d like you to put this sensor on.”
I knew it! Here come the freaky experiments!
“Huh!? This isn’t one of those things that fries you with electricity, is it?”
“Please relax, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
She smiled as she said this, but by now, her face fully bore the intensity of a mad scientist staring down their subject.
No way I’m putting that thing on! But of course, I couldn’t say that to her face… No doubt she’d just reply “time for plan B,” and bring out the scalpels…
I reluctantly took the device – a messy bundle of coils and cords, held together by an aluminum foil wrapping – and put it over my body.
Kinda reminds me of that spring-loaded training suit, from that old sports anime.
To top it all off was a silver helmet with antenna sticking out from all angles, like metallic sea urchin spines.
Nothing good can possibly come of this…
“Like this, Ms. Fujiko?”
“Perfect. It looks good on you.”
Yeah, nice try! Who do you think you’re fooling!?
Ms. Fujiko giggled to herself. “Alright, let’s begin!”
I had already resigned myself to my fate, but I still wish she wouldn’t roll up her sleeves and lick her lips…
I felt my rising heartbeat pulse throught my whole body. In that moment, Ms. Fujiko was judge, jury, and executioner, and I was the helpless defendant, awaiting the blow of the gavel. But her ruling wasn’t quite what I had anticipated…
Ms. Fujiko groped around the front pocket of her lab coat, and produced a hundred yen coin.
Huh? What’s this all about?
“Ms. Mitsukoshi, this hundred yen coin is for you.”
Huh!? No way! Cha-ching!
“There it is! Just as I had hypothesized! For an instant, your nervous discharge increased by a factor of ten! Your range of muscle contraction by a factor of twenty! And your sensory receptors multiplied by an unbelievable one thousand times! So this is the power of Bundorphins… Truly incredible…”
I have no clue what’s going on here, but it surely can’t be THAT incredible… right? Ms. Fujiko noted my unamused reaction, and reached into her pocket once more, this time retrieving a… ten… ten thousand yen bill!?!
No way…
“That’s right, Ms. Mitsukoshi. This ten thousand yen bill is all yours.”
“Oh my gawwwd! Oh my gawwwd! Ahm sooo happy!! Thank yew… so much!!!”
I was so overtaken with joy, I had broken into a happy dance without even noticing! But the very next moment, the unbelievable happened…
Exchaaaaange!
The hope of today’s payslip!
The dream of tomorrow’s balance inquiry!
Even the most foul villain’s cash is still good!
Money Idol Exchanger… has graced the scene!
Huh? What the heck am I doing!?
What are these clothes!?
A frilly idol costume? Knee-highs and a teeny-tiny skirt? Some kind of… cat ear-shaped machine on my head?
In an instant, my mind went completely blank. Ugh, I can’t remember a thing…
I looked down to see that at some point, the devices Ms. Fujiko instructed me to wear had come loose and tumbled onto the floor. And that I was standing over them, fixed in a completely ridiculous pose.
Oh man… I’m totally freaking out now. What kind of weirdo can whip out some kind of phony speech at a time like this!?
“Ms. Fujiko, I…”
Ms. Fujiko chuckled. “That’s right, Ms. Mitsukoshi. What you are experiencing is the greatest of Bundorphins’ abilities – At the moment of peak stimulation, your bodily secretions and waste matter gather at the epidermis, return to their chemical state, reconstruct, and neutralize as a solid. Thus, you transform into your current form.”
She just said “transform” like it’s no big deal… No special training or reconstructive surgery… nothing? Oh man, a certain Mr. Hongo would not want to hear about this…
“But Ms. Fujiko… why an idol outfit?”
As soon as I had asked the question, a glimmer emitted from behind Ms. Fujiko’s glasses.
“Well, Ms. Mitsukoshi. You DO dream of taking the stage as an idol, no?”
“Urk! How the heck do you…”
She giggled once more. “And am I wrong in asserting that you possess a soft spot for tokusatsu superhero shows?”
“Double urk! Why do you even know all this!?”
“From your outfit, and your speech as you transformed. Bundorphins receive fragments of cerebral transmissions, and are able to magnify them into a concrete form. Don’t deceive yourself – this is the “you” that you most want to be.”
Ugh, she’s not exactly wrong…
“Those who secrete Bundorphins have been chosen by a higher power! So now, you must fight! You don’t necessarily have any enemies yet, but still! You must fight! Fight to rid this world of all evil!”
Ms. Fujiko thrust herself towards me, ignoring the state of bewilderment I was in.
“That’s right, Money Idol Exchanger! Act now, in the name of justice!!”
Ms. Fujiko, you’re bugging out on me…
By the time Ms. Fujiko’s call to arms came to an end, it had already become pitch black outside. Yeesh… “Exchanger” my butt! Whole thing has been nothing but a pain in the neck!
I stomped my way out of the building and across the schoolyard. The white lines painted onto the school track faded away under my feet and became part of the night. Hmph, as if I care! Although… now that I think about it, a 400 meter track is pretty big. Standing at the center of it in the dead of night, surrounded by nothing but darkness… It kinda gives me the creeps. At some point, my stride went from thudding to plodding.
“Sakura?”
Whoa! That spooked me!
The voice that spoke out was unmistakably Asahi’s. And sure enough, when I turned to face the source of it, Asahi was standing there, giving me the same timid look as always.
“Asahi, what are you doing out here so late?”
“I dropped my wallet somewhee around here. But it’s so dark, I haven’t had any luck finding it…”
“Huh. Well, how about I help you look for it? But first things first, you gotta tell much how much cash is in it.”
“20,000 yen or so, I think…”
Exchaaaange!!!
“Wha! Wha! Sakura! What just happened to you!? What is this outfit!?”
“Heh heh. Honestly, I was hoping you wouldn’t need to find out about this… But more importantly, now that we’re here, let’s talk about my cut if I find it. How about… ten percent? Ten percent!”
“Uh, sure…”
“Alrighty then! Money Search, Scaaaaan!”
The cat ear-shaped radar on my head sprung to life and began twitching. Heh, no small change can escape my grasp!
And so, I was reborn as Exchanger: heroine of justice. Sure, I don’t have any enemies yet, but the path that my new powers had carved for me was clear. There was one thing I must do.
That’s right! Let’s make some money!!